Excellent composition show 5: riding on a snowy night
Riding on a snowy night (Revised Draft) on the first day of junior high school in Qingdao West Coast new area, Yang Hengyu pushed my bike slowly, and the bright moonlight shone on my side face.
I smiled confidently and jumped up.
I live in Grandpa’s house.
The greatest fun is cycling in the middle of the night.
Think about it.
When the moon is dark and the wind is high, you ride a bike and brush.
How cool! But there was a heavy snow in the white sky.
Grandpa was very worried: “ah? What day? You dare to go out crazy, but you don’t win…” he looked at my stubborn and eager face and compromised: “if you really want to play, just wait for me to put on my clothes…” I didn’t want to listen at all.
I put my hand in my pocket, drooped my eyelids and closed the door.
Then there was the beginning.
The night was black and white.
White is the snow under your feet, emitting a silver light in the moonlight; The distance is endless black, only the north wind blows, but it can’t afford a little snow – the soft white snow has become hard and slippery ice after a day’s training.
I rode on this ice field, just like I worshipped the hero in marvel.
I felt that I rode fast and fast.
This is not the case.
I struggled to move forward.
Finally, as soon as the tire skidded, the car fell to one side and people were on all fours.
When I got up, I stepped on the bus and kicked – but there was no focus on my feet.
No, the chain broke.
So there was another bang, and I fell to the ground again.
When I got up hard, I saw a figure staggering.
It was full of silver hair.
It wasn’t who grandpa was.
He came over and saw the cars and me.
He shouted angrily, “let’s slow down, slow down, don’t listen, it’s time!” I sat on the ground, unable to refute.
He immediately said, “you go first and I’ll fix it.” I stood stubbornly by the car, hanging my head, but I caught a glimpse from the corner of my eye that his rough hand trembled the moment it touched the iron chain – I was too cold to wear thick gloves, and tears suddenly flowed down: an old man, his hands cold, was still repairing his grandson’s car.
What’s more, he risked falling at any time on such a dark and cold night, Ride with grandson on a snowy night.
Grandpa, how can I repay your love.
I would like to spend my whole life to warm you and take care of you, just as you take care of your children and grandchildren.
When I was full of silver hair (draft 2), I slowly pushed the big bike, and the moonlight shone on my face.
I smiled confidently and jumped up.
[eye catching at the beginning, worth advocating] I live in grandma’s house.
The greatest fun is cycling in the middle of the night.
Think about it.
When the moon is dark and the wind is high, you ride a bike and brush.
How cool! But it’s snowing in the daytime, so my grandfather has an objection: “ah? What day? You dare to go crazy, don’t win…
If you really want to go down and play, just wait for me to put on my clothes and join you.” Say it and get ready to act.
I didn’t want to hear it at all.
I ran into my pocket and jumped up my eyes.
“Ka” closed the door.
I didn’t give him time and opportunity to continue.
Then there was the beginning.
[language description, close to life, with regional color, very good] [in addition to language description, try not to use oral language] that night, I don’t know why, I was flustered at night, there was no end of darkness, I held the moon, and the north wind blew.
The ground was supposed to be soft white snow.
After a day’s training, it became a black ice son, and I was still running.
Finally, when crossing a large ice field, the tire didn’t stand, the car fell to one side, and the person was on all fours.
[scenery description should be vivid and literary, and don’t have unclear content] when I got up, I stepped on the car, pedaled the wheel, and found that the chain was bad, so there was another “bang”.
Standing up again, I saw a figure slowly appear, with silver hair, not Grandpa.
He came over, saw the cars and me, and asked slowly, “does it hurt?” “Well,” I replied.
[the language description is concise – very good, but the language description must appear when necessary, which can be modified as appropriate here] he said coldly, “I told you to slow down, slow down, don’t listen, you should fall like this.” [the “coldness” here is not consistent with the character image] I sat on the ground, unable to refute, and I had no face to face my grandfather.
He immediately said, “you go first and I’ll fix it.” I had to leave, but I caught a glimpse from the corner of my eye that his rough hand trembled the moment it touched the chain again.
I just walked a few steps and couldn’t help turning back.
Looking back, tears came down: an old man, his hands cold, was still repairing his grandson’s car.
What’s more, he was still standing on the ice and might fall at any time.
At that moment, I thought a lot.
Past, future, laughter, tears…
But the most is the gratitude to Grandpa.
[including the above, unless there are special requirements, use the continuous tense instead of “Na” and other words to show memory] grandpa is serious, but he has love.
After he nurtured his parents, he should have cultivated us.
Grandpa, when you have white hair, I sincerely say to you, “thank you!” [the ending lyric is too straightforward] the little author is a big boy who likes reading and is willing to write—— There are bandits and gentlemen.
They are like dueling and pondering.
The teacher hopes you can continue to work hard! Progress!..
